Save Our Xmas Sanity

Confessions of Reformed Bah-Humbugger

Who cares how many days there are till Christmas?

I certainly don't!

Firstly, because there'll always be some magazine, department store, or website to keep me informed!

Secondly, these days the onset of the pre-Christmas hype doesn't send me spinning into a haze of horror (and reaching for the gin bottle).   

What's Your First Reaction?

What happens for you when you first see

• Tinsel on the shelves in the supermarkets?
• Signs in the butcher reminding you to order your turkey/ham?
• Letterbox advertising and mail order catalogues with Christmas gift ideas and decorations?
• Signs and articles about the Creeping Proximity of Christmas?

Well I know that for me the usual reaction is dread! 

Dread, like when your innards feel like they're dropping down to your feet in a matter of seconds (and you're not going down in an elevator).

Dread, like when you were caught talking in line-up at school and got sent to the principal's office.  (Sister Silvester wielded a mean thin bamboo cane, I can tell you!)

Dread mixed with anger, like when you've forgotten something you promised yourself you'd remember.  (Like that endless promise you make to yourself that you'll Christmas shop at the sales during the year.  Doh!  I forgot AGAIN.)

Dread, like when you can see the car crash coming and can't AVOID it. 

And what do I do when the dread happens? 

Denial has always been a goody for me.  But of course, the longer you remain in denial the closer Christmas gets, and the more the internal anxiety builds.  Then suddenly it's the week before Christmas and the dam wall bursts and I'm overcome with tasks, tiredness, tears and terror.

I Hate To Gloat But ...

... NOT THIS YEAR!

I had my first sighting of Christmas the other day. (Hmm, thanks Karen)

And the familiar dread rushed in as it's learned to do over so many years.  And the panicky feeling started to rise in my chest.  That sick feeling lurched around my belly.  When suddenly (and terribly surprisingly) my BRAIN kicked in. 

What's Different?

I heard this cool, sooooooothing voice reminding me that I don't need to dread Christmas any more.  (No! I don't really hear VOICES, I'm not THAT bad.)  It was my own voice.  (Now that I'm a Christmas Calm Angel.) 

The voice?  It was some positive self-talk from my own little self-protecting angel reminding me that I now have new habits and new expectations about managing Christmas. 

You see I took a dose of my own medicine and worked my way through my OWN copy of Save Our Sanity, The Christmas Calm Manual.  I changed my thinking.  I changed my planning.  I gave denial a good kick up the backside.  I looked after myself with rewards for work well done, and plenty of destressing techniques.  And Christmas ran smoothly. And again last year!

So!  Now that I'm immunised against the effects of that familiar dread feeling, I'm ready to be YOUR Christmas Calm Angel. 

I know there are plenty of people like me out there, with their heads buried in the Sand of Denial and hoping for some Fairy to come and fix it!

Sound Familiar?

Well, our Christmas  Stress Test is still available and plenty of people have started taking the test. 

But if you know that you can't face another year of all that stress, then maybe it's time to think about getting your own copy of  Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual. The Calm Manual is here to save you all, one frazzled woman at a time.

Who Realised Gift-Giving Had Rules?

Over at OrganisedChristmas.com, I found a great article that fires a shot through some of our gift-giving thinking.

They’re seldom acknowledged and rarely discussed: the unwritten rules of gift giving. Even if we don’t talk about them, “the rules” determine what we give, how much we give, and to whom we give. They govern everything from the office Secret Santa exchange, to classroom gifts, to a family morning under the Christmas tree.

Problem is, “unwritten” means that gift-giving rules are subject to interpretation—both in our own minds, and in our dealings with others.

First, if you don’t understand why you gift as you do, it’s easy to enter the land of the absurd: making a midnight raid on the supermarket’s toy aisle when you discover that one child’s stocking holds fewer gifts than his brother’s. Unexamined gift-giving assumptions lead to gifting decisions that can violate your own values—and worse, those decisions can appear to operate from nowhere! [more]

The Unwritten Rules of Gift-Giving gives you plenty of food for thought about how and why we come to be giving gifts to the people we do.  It certainly allows you to think before all your gift-giving and possible guilt and angst have pooled into a sanity- breaking December 25th.

Or at the very least it might be fuel for new decisions and negotiations for next year!

Sometimes Tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be!

Do you find Christmas whirls around quicker and quicker every year?

Sometimes it seems like you've barely caught your breath and it's Christmas again!

And sometimes, the whirling can mean we just pick up the same old  habits and traditions from last year, the year before, and even several decades ago!

My year has whirled this year.

The week before Christmas last year, our son Lovable Geek and his girlfriend Miss GG announced their engagement. 

We were having a massive Christmas last year - all four generations of my family gathering for the first time. 

I remember being excited at the engagement, but ever so slightly frustrated at having to refocus on engagements, when I had so much to think about at Christmas!   (Alright!  So I'm not a perfect mother!  At least I'm honest!)

This year has been the Year of the Wedding.  So, the year has flown!  And the wedding was last week. 

So here we are with a very different Christmas coming up.  Two of our three sons live interstate.  Having just been visiting for the wedding, they won't be able to return here for Christmas.  They've both followed lovely ladies to opposite sides of the continent from us now! So they're starting up new lives and traditions or picking up another family's influences and traditions.

Some humans can be so comforted by traditions that they can forget that they are not necessarily sacred. 

All old traditions were new once! 

They all had a starting point.  They were all created because someone had a need to do something a certain way.  Perhaps it was even a need to do it differently from something that had been familiar for many years.

In other words traditions are there for use until there time is up,  and then you create new ones to suit the new occasion.

Traditions are meant to evolve!

Rituals are symbolic gestures to mark important occasions and people.  But rituals and traditions have structures that can be twisted, tweaked or even discarded once they reach their use-by date.

At Christmas time we tend to be steeped in traditions and habits - many of them WELL past their use-by date!

The classic example in Australia is the rich warm winter-comfort food of roasts, baked veges, and plum puddings. 

Those dishes were ideally suited to European Christmases, but are SO unsuited to our own hot Aussie Christmas.  We live in a world where fresh produce abounds and seafoods and picnics/barbecues are standard fare for our summers! 

So why maintain the tradition?  Usually because someone is scared of change, and protests so loudly, like any good squeaky wheel, until attention is paid to their desires.  Often that person isn't the one sweating over the hot stove in a hot kitchen on a hot summer's day! 

Traditions are often a cause of as much stress for some as they are a comfort for others.

Who deserves to have their say more?  Hmm!  Bears thinking about, doesn't it?

So what traditions do you have at Christmas that are passed their Use-By Date?  What are YOU going to do about them?

Make Your Melbourne Christmas Easy

We're rather excited to announce that we've been able to entice our friend and favourite Professional Organiser, Angela Esnouf of Creating Order From Chaos, to work with Chris and deliver a ...

... Make Your Christmas Easy Workshop in Melbourne.

So IF YOU:

• find Christmas spells S-T-R-E-S-S?
• are desperately seeking Christmas Calm?
• yearn to enjoy Christmas for the first time in a long time?
• want some simple no-stress powerful tips on organising your Christmas?
• know some of your Christmas traditions have passed their use-by date?
• feel ready for a laugh about Christmas?

THEN

Chris and Angela will give you an Intensive on Christmas Calm and Organisation

In just 90 minutes, you'll have some Christmas Cheer and start feeling easier and ready to face Christmas this year!

Where?            Vermont South
When?             Thursday December 6th
Time?             7.30-9.15
Cost?               $50
Bookings?         Angela or phone 0403 164 468
                       Chris or phone 03 9877 1469

All who attend will receive take-away tips sheets and to-do lists.

will be available for sale.

There'll also be some SECRET giveaways!

Book now as numbers are strictly limited

Romance that will please you both!

With a Relationship Advisor and a Calm Coach as your co-authors of Save Our Sanity (The Christmas Calm Manual) you could be sure we'd sniff out ideas to make people feel great.

This simple and incredibly romantic gesture will please any partner whose prepared to see what's in it for him!

I have a small artificial Christmas tree that fits perfectly on the nightstand in my bedroom.  I decorate it with tiny white lights (great mood lighting at night!) and hang 12 small pieces of paper that are rolled up and tied with a piece of gold ribbon. On each piece of paper I write a special message such as ... [more]

This is one of the more delightful ways you can look after YOU in the chaotic period that is so often Christmas!

I'll definitely be taking up this idea!

 

Decorating a Tree for Novices or the Decoratively Challenged!

While browsing through a Target catalogue called Christmas Wish List 2007, I discovered an excellent two-page spread of 6 steps to decorating Your Christmas Tree.

Now some of you may sneer at me even mentioning this! "Surely everyone knows how to decorate a Christmas Tree." you might think.

But others of you will know that not every person is given decorative genes and for some people getting a Christmas tree to look good seems totally BEYOND them! 

Here at Save Our Christmas Sanity we are always on the look out for ways for our readers to get all the help they need to make their Christmas Calm, so I decided to research whether Target had this info anywhere online.

Target are no marketing dummies, so of course these two pages were very easy to find. 

So for those of you who have secret fears of looking like idiots because you can't decorate a tree then here's your answer!

Page 1 - Steps 1&2
Page 2 - Steps 3-6

Of course, it's promoting some Target products which you may/may not wish to buy but it has some good solid ideas in there all the same!

The catalogue also has a very simple description on wrapping pressies as well if you need it.

Of course the thing to remember about Decorating a Christmas Tree or Wrapping a Present is that you just need to do the best you can!  No more, no less!

My personal piece of advice? 

LESS is MORE!

If we went back, would Christmas be less stressful?

In scanning the web for things to help our frazzled readers make life at Christmas easier, I found this interesting article. 

Linore Rose Burkard advocates a return to a more Regency-era Christmas. 

Some of her ideas seem to fit with our own suggestions of changing traditions that don't work, for simpler ones that can fill your lives with pleasures rather than stress. 

In the early part of the 19th century, the season of Christmas was more about
family and fun than gifts and giving. Sure, there was room for presents, and they did add to the fun, but they were just a small part. Focusing on the frenetic fifteen minutes or half hour of tearing into a pile of gifts is what gets us in trouble today. We spend an inordinate amount of time, money and energy preparing for that one *tiny* part of the holiday.

I'm not here to try and deprive you of that part of Christmas. It's still important. But I do want to help you with perspective, increasing the time spent in areas that will leave you feeling fulfilled and satisfied afterwards, not with the usual lament of All that effort--all that money--and they're still not happy!  [more]

See what you think.  In fact why not put in a comment and tell us what you think?

And were you aware that purchasers of Save Our Sanity:The Christmas Calm Manual get access to a special password-protected area of our site for extra exclusive resources? 

So maybe it is worth investing in the book and not just hoping for the best this Christmas!

Frazzled Mom finds Sleep and Bargains

Ahh the Web is a wonderful thing.

As you know we, the Christmas Calm Angels, are ever on the alert for opportunities to help you all avoid insanity and achieve calm in the pre-Christmas chaos.

Those of us in Australia don't often appreciate how difficult it is for US mums (moms) who's Holiday Season is complicated by a massive celebration day in November called Thanksgiving! 

Thanksgiving means family, travelling, and feasts.  It means you really can't get to thinking about Christmas till you've got passed Thanksgiving.

So apparently US retailers encourage their shoppers to get on with it, by having big sales on the day after Thanksgiving!  It's commonly called Black Friday!

Frazzled Mom (now that's a name we could relate to) over at On the Go Mom has recently told the WWW about a new discovery she's made so that this year she doesn't go bargain-hunting at 3am on Black Friday and instead keeps her sanity!

Frazzled Mom is following in the Save Our Sanity philosophy without ever having read our book (I don't think!)  She's acknowledging the insanity of some of her previous activities and how counter-productive they have been for her.  Instead she's sharing a new resource with us all.  Even those of us who are here in Oz may find her discovery useful!

... However (as I know from experience) you will also find huge crowds, long lines and (if you don’t get there early enough) empty shelves.

Last year I was standing outside Target at 3:00 AM waiting for the doors to open. It was cold and dark and after a big Thanksgiving dinner the night before I wasn’t feeling the joy of saving a few dollars. Instead I stood their with my sister-in-law questioning our sanity. I mean we could have been in our warm beds sleeping.  [more]

Hey Frazzled Mom/any reader, why not get our free Tips for (further) Christmas Calm by taking our Christmas Stress Test.  And thanks for sharing your resources and illustrating our philosophy that Christmas is meant to be enjoyed and can be done while Saving Our Sanity!

Lists for people who aren't into lists!

Why would you use a list?
SweetP (Chris' beloved husband) is always rolling his eyes as Chris writes another list, or crosses something off from one! 

Karen's hubby G does much the same thing, and each is in sympathy with the other!

Both of us (Karen and Chris) gain enormous satisfaction from preparing, using, and crossing items off our lists!  It keeps our brains in some manageable shape!  It stops that feeling of worry about forgetting something.  (The perfectionist's lament!)

But thanks to our "boys", we get it! 

Not everyone is "into" lists!!

But as we say in our Tips For Christmas Calm

... when stress levels are high enough, making other choices can include breaking the massive task down to more manageable parts. 

So, the list, that you would normally avoid using, may just be the way to feel more in control and less overwhelmed. 

If it reduces the rising stress and allows you to take action, and possibly even delegate, then maybe a list at this time of year could prove VERY useful.

Don't forget the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.

And we guess you are reading this because Christmas can cause you SOME stress!  From that we guess you've had some ugly STRESS during other Christmas/Holiday Seasons!  So, we assume you'd like a calmer, less-stressed Christmas this year!

So if you don't "do" lists at Christmas when you've got a massive task on your plate, and that task sends you"round the twist", then why would you keep avoiding "doing lists"? 

We've Got a Little List or Two!

In Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual, we provide a variety of lists to  help get you through the  stress.

We help you create a:

• Carry-With-You Calendar for October, November, December
• Shopping Budget that’s realistic
• Christmas Card List to plan who you REALLY need to send greetings to this year
  (and next and next …)
• Gift Shopping List for ‘Who, What, Where, & How Much’ Ideas,
  to minimise shopping expeditions for maximum effect
• To-Do List for all the extra bits and pieces (copy as often as you like)
• Entertainment Plan to have you meeting up with the people you really want to see this season
• Menu Plan for the ‘Big Day’

So have a think about that definition of insanity, and how wanting a different outcome means you need to choose a different action!

The lists are all available in Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual. 

The BIG Day - Christmas Pt 3

Melbourne is notorious/famous for it's weather.

This summer has been a very hot one.  Fire fighters have been fighting terrible excoriating bushfires since late November.  In the lead-up to Christmas, Melbourne frequently woke to a city wreathed in smoke, and eerie and frightening orange suns.

So when Christmas Day came with a forecast of 16C and hail, we were a little taken aback!

Fortunately despite a guest list of 20, we'd always intended for us to set up a massive table/s indoors.  SweetP had pulled out our house plans, played on some computer software and identified the best place and way to create a table around which 20 of us could sit.  It required swapping the furniture in two rooms and adding 3 trestle tables to our LARGE square dining table (and thus several sets of young male hands to move the furniture on Christmas Eve). 

Unfortunately however the menu, planned 3 weeks in advance and assuming - at least - a warmish summer day, was for a BBQ and salads.

So our Christmas morning plans suddenly had to include SweetP rigging up some kind of cover/tarpaulin for the cooks to remain outside tending to the BBQ, even as it hailed and rained and they all froze!

In the kitchen, I was not so merrily and somewhat stressedly (is there such a word), preparing the meat marinades.  Following the blithe instructions of a TV cook I'd seen a few days earlier, I was "popping" the boned legs of lamb in individual plastic seal-top bags along with their red wine, garlic, fresh herbs, extra virgin oil etc marinade.

While I sealed one, the other slowly sank flat and the marinade ebbed out of the bag.  My attention was drawn, all too slowly, to a dripping noise and I turned to find red wine, oil and herbs sprayed on every cream-coloured cupboard and drawer-front across my expansive kitchen as well as streaking across the pale tiles and splashing up all the kickboards.

The string of invective was hardly Christmassy!

SweetP, outside and up a ladder struggling with the tarp, was in a no position to help, so the morning was going REALLY badly and SOXS wasn't going to help at this stage!  I was seriously stressed!

Time was running out, guest were due, my kitchen would be overrun by people bearing food, needing last minute preparation and plating, and there was RED  SPLATTER everywhere!!!!!!!!

Predictably, they arrived and I wasn't ready, and was struggling (even with my surreptitious last-minute to-do list) to work out what I was doing; let alone avail myself of kindly offers  of assistance and encouragement to delegate tasks!

Add to that, the fact that the two grandchildren allocated the supposedly eady job of collecting Feisty Little Mother were nowhere to be seen and arrived 90 minutes late.  No explanation, and no doubt I'll be told to "get over it Mum".  FLM,  with her usual confusion and forgetfulness, was ringing for the umpteenth time wanting to know what was happening, and the two offenders' mothers were off-the-scale "shitty"!

To top it all off, I kept losing my champagne glass!  THAT was my day's drug of choice for lowering my stress!  Was NOTHING on MY side??

In the end, a lovely, but late meal was had, around a beautiful table with lots of great conversation and laughter.  FLM had a wonderful day, little of which she now recalls.

One of the mob, popped out to the park next door and persuaded some stranger to come and stand in our courtyard while all 20 of us, some a little more "tiddly"than others, finally got ourselves sorted out sufficiently to have some wonderfully memorable full-family photos taken!  Thank you whoever you were!

I wanted to write this post because the day didn't go smoothly.  It  wasn't perfect! 

And that's where I went wrong!

You see, in the final hours of the best Christmas lead-up I've ever had, I lost my sanity!

I forgot to put aside my obsessive drive for Perfection.

It WAS an enormously successful Christmas and my sanity only cracked at the last minute, so that's what I'll need to work on for next year!

And now, SOXS IS officially put to bed!