Save Our Xmas Sanity

Sometimes Tradition isn't all it's cracked up to be!

Do you find Christmas whirls around quicker and quicker every year?

Sometimes it seems like you've barely caught your breath and it's Christmas again!

And sometimes, the whirling can mean we just pick up the same old  habits and traditions from last year, the year before, and even several decades ago!

My year has whirled this year.

The week before Christmas last year, our son Lovable Geek and his girlfriend Miss GG announced their engagement. 

We were having a massive Christmas last year - all four generations of my family gathering for the first time. 

I remember being excited at the engagement, but ever so slightly frustrated at having to refocus on engagements, when I had so much to think about at Christmas!   (Alright!  So I'm not a perfect mother!  At least I'm honest!)

This year has been the Year of the Wedding.  So, the year has flown!  And the wedding was last week. 

So here we are with a very different Christmas coming up.  Two of our three sons live interstate.  Having just been visiting for the wedding, they won't be able to return here for Christmas.  They've both followed lovely ladies to opposite sides of the continent from us now! So they're starting up new lives and traditions or picking up another family's influences and traditions.

Some humans can be so comforted by traditions that they can forget that they are not necessarily sacred. 

All old traditions were new once! 

They all had a starting point.  They were all created because someone had a need to do something a certain way.  Perhaps it was even a need to do it differently from something that had been familiar for many years.

In other words traditions are there for use until there time is up,  and then you create new ones to suit the new occasion.

Traditions are meant to evolve!

Rituals are symbolic gestures to mark important occasions and people.  But rituals and traditions have structures that can be twisted, tweaked or even discarded once they reach their use-by date.

At Christmas time we tend to be steeped in traditions and habits - many of them WELL past their use-by date!

The classic example in Australia is the rich warm winter-comfort food of roasts, baked veges, and plum puddings. 

Those dishes were ideally suited to European Christmases, but are SO unsuited to our own hot Aussie Christmas.  We live in a world where fresh produce abounds and seafoods and picnics/barbecues are standard fare for our summers! 

So why maintain the tradition?  Usually because someone is scared of change, and protests so loudly, like any good squeaky wheel, until attention is paid to their desires.  Often that person isn't the one sweating over the hot stove in a hot kitchen on a hot summer's day! 

Traditions are often a cause of as much stress for some as they are a comfort for others.

Who deserves to have their say more?  Hmm!  Bears thinking about, doesn't it?

So what traditions do you have at Christmas that are passed their Use-By Date?  What are YOU going to do about them?

Last Chance for Christmas Stress Reduction Savings!

Looks to us like the whole world is gearing up for Christmas! It really DOES seem to come earlier and earlier each year, doesn't it?

Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual is selling like hotcakes, and we're run off our feet making sure you all get your copy in the mail as soon as possible. We KNOW what it's like waiting for the mail to arrive with something that is designed to inject a little calm in the chaos of Christmas.

If you haven't yet ordered your copy - remember today is the last day to get your copy free of postage and handling costs!!! After the race is run, and the last of the champers has been polished off, the deal is off too. Our accountant tells us we have to start charging for postage from tomorrow.

Go here now to get your copy!

Shopping for, and Giving, the Perfect Present

Are you a perfectionist, even just a wee bit?

I am a confessed, reformist perfectionist (sounds a bit like one of those weird religions, doesn't it?)

In my last article, Getting the Gift Shopping Sorted, the subject of buying the perfect gift came up - and I promised to talk more about it.

Perfectionism is a blessing and a curse. In the case of Christmas shopping - it's a curse to us buyers-of-gifts who endlessly walk the malls seeking the perfect gift for each friend and loved one. It's a blessing for those on the receiving ends of those gifts. No inappropriate, cheap, insensitive or unwanted presents from us!

Shopping for the 'perfect present' comes in three distinct parts. There is the idea of what to get. There is the actually purchase of the gift. In between those two steps is what I like to call 'perfectionists-shopping-nightmare'.

The nightmare can consist of any, or all, of these:

• finding the ideal gift in the right colour, shape, design and brand
• comparison shopping the best price
• thinking that this would be OK, but we might find better in that other shop down the street
• fearing that we will be thought of as 'cheap' if we don't buy an expensive brand
• wondering whether it may come up on sale next week
• second guessing the appropriateness of the gift as we stand in the queue to buy it
• getting heart palpitations as we hand over our credit card - what if it isn't perfect?
• wrapping the gift and then running out an getting something else to go with it/instead of it just in case we change our minds at the last minute
• delaying the purchase until they have all sold out, and having to find an alternative

It can be a very expensive and VERY time consuming process. And the shopping doesn't get done.

(and I won't go into our state of mind as Christmas creeps closer - you perfectionists will know exactly what that is like, and no-one else needs to know)

I'm here to tell you, as a reformed you-know-what, that once you have a vague idea of the gift and you see something that is 'good enough' in a shop - (even when you still have plenty of shopping days to Christmas) - Buy. It. Immediately.

If at all possible, have it gift wrapped on the spot. Don't forget to label it as soon as you get home so you remember who it is for. And most importantly of all - don't forget to cross that person off your list. They are DONE!!!

I'm willing to guarantee the gift recipient will appreciate the thoughtful gift just as much. After all, they don't KNOW whether you spent 10 minutes or 10 hours shopping for their gift.  And it is highly likely that if they care about you at all, they would prefer the 10 minutes to the 10 hours!!!

After all, which would you prefer?

In the coming weeks, we'll be talking more about sorting the shopping before Christmas. Please subscribe (pop your email address up there in the top left corner) and you'll receive the articles as they are written.

If you really need help in this area - don't forget to snag your copy of Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual today (free postage until midnight October 31st - so hurry!)

Our commitment to saving your festive sanity - 2007 and beyond

It's July, and here in Australia we often celebrate "Christmas in July" to get the whole feeling of celebrating, with a huge hot roast turkey dinner and all the trimmings, when it's cool enough to enjoy it.

And with that reminder of Christmas, we start the countdown to December 25th 2007 - now less than 5 months away. We've climbed up the ladder for the first six months of the year, and now we're definitely on the downward slide, seemingly gaining momentum as the end of year races up to meet us.

What does that mean?

If you've stumbled onto this Save Our Christmas Sanity website, then maybe you're already starting to think about Christmas this year.  For you, we'd like to give a quick update - so you know what's in store this year.

Chris and I are committed to helping save the sanity of the thousands of people who dread the thought of the approaching festive season. We'll do this in a number of ways this year - some similar to previous years, but also some innovative new ways for you to inject a touch of sanity into your noel.

As we're working on this, we'd love to hear from you - let us know if you visit here by leaving a comment below, or sending an email to savexmas @ gmail. com (without the spaces, obviously:). We'll respond - promise. 

Instant sanity at your fingertips!

And if you're really eager to get started on saving your sanity - then you can purchase the SOXS workbook at last year's prices - full details here.

The BIG Day - Christmas Pt 3

Melbourne is notorious/famous for it's weather.

This summer has been a very hot one.  Fire fighters have been fighting terrible excoriating bushfires since late November.  In the lead-up to Christmas, Melbourne frequently woke to a city wreathed in smoke, and eerie and frightening orange suns.

So when Christmas Day came with a forecast of 16C and hail, we were a little taken aback!

Fortunately despite a guest list of 20, we'd always intended for us to set up a massive table/s indoors.  SweetP had pulled out our house plans, played on some computer software and identified the best place and way to create a table around which 20 of us could sit.  It required swapping the furniture in two rooms and adding 3 trestle tables to our LARGE square dining table (and thus several sets of young male hands to move the furniture on Christmas Eve). 

Unfortunately however the menu, planned 3 weeks in advance and assuming - at least - a warmish summer day, was for a BBQ and salads.

So our Christmas morning plans suddenly had to include SweetP rigging up some kind of cover/tarpaulin for the cooks to remain outside tending to the BBQ, even as it hailed and rained and they all froze!

In the kitchen, I was not so merrily and somewhat stressedly (is there such a word), preparing the meat marinades.  Following the blithe instructions of a TV cook I'd seen a few days earlier, I was "popping" the boned legs of lamb in individual plastic seal-top bags along with their red wine, garlic, fresh herbs, extra virgin oil etc marinade.

While I sealed one, the other slowly sank flat and the marinade ebbed out of the bag.  My attention was drawn, all too slowly, to a dripping noise and I turned to find red wine, oil and herbs sprayed on every cream-coloured cupboard and drawer-front across my expansive kitchen as well as streaking across the pale tiles and splashing up all the kickboards.

The string of invective was hardly Christmassy!

SweetP, outside and up a ladder struggling with the tarp, was in a no position to help, so the morning was going REALLY badly and SOXS wasn't going to help at this stage!  I was seriously stressed!

Time was running out, guest were due, my kitchen would be overrun by people bearing food, needing last minute preparation and plating, and there was RED  SPLATTER everywhere!!!!!!!!

Predictably, they arrived and I wasn't ready, and was struggling (even with my surreptitious last-minute to-do list) to work out what I was doing; let alone avail myself of kindly offers  of assistance and encouragement to delegate tasks!

Add to that, the fact that the two grandchildren allocated the supposedly eady job of collecting Feisty Little Mother were nowhere to be seen and arrived 90 minutes late.  No explanation, and no doubt I'll be told to "get over it Mum".  FLM,  with her usual confusion and forgetfulness, was ringing for the umpteenth time wanting to know what was happening, and the two offenders' mothers were off-the-scale "shitty"!

To top it all off, I kept losing my champagne glass!  THAT was my day's drug of choice for lowering my stress!  Was NOTHING on MY side??

In the end, a lovely, but late meal was had, around a beautiful table with lots of great conversation and laughter.  FLM had a wonderful day, little of which she now recalls.

One of the mob, popped out to the park next door and persuaded some stranger to come and stand in our courtyard while all 20 of us, some a little more "tiddly"than others, finally got ourselves sorted out sufficiently to have some wonderfully memorable full-family photos taken!  Thank you whoever you were!

I wanted to write this post because the day didn't go smoothly.  It  wasn't perfect! 

And that's where I went wrong!

You see, in the final hours of the best Christmas lead-up I've ever had, I lost my sanity!

I forgot to put aside my obsessive drive for Perfection.

It WAS an enormously successful Christmas and my sanity only cracked at the last minute, so that's what I'll need to work on for next year!

And now, SOXS IS officially put to bed!

Pt 2 of The December Saga

For those of you who missed Part 1, a bad back laid me low at the beginning of November.  Come early December,

not only was my Bah-Humbug meter nearly going off the scale, but so were my anxiety levels. [more]

If I was ever going to get through, I was going to have to REALLY "do" SOXS.

Not just using all those gorgeous lists but also working my way through why my attitude to Christmas was so bad. 

You see those of you who read reviews of SOXS thought it was just a pile of lists and some "maybe-helpful" advice from two women who may/may not have been experts.  That's where SOME people seriously underestimate SOXS.

You see when you open SOXS, and before you ever find a list or a tip, you're confronted with some questions that really challenge you to understand what it is you find so difficult and identify how you want it to be different.   There's some serious laser-coaching-in-a-book there!  And just like all lasers it gets to the heart of the matter!

As I found out - when I sat and answered my own and Karen's questions. 

I was like a worm on a bait-hook squirming uncomfortably, but knowing that I was actually getting to the nub of the problems.  I had a bit of a cry over my chardy, but felt kind of relieved and released.  If you can feel released when you're trussed up in a back brace like a turkey ready for the oven!

Having faced my demons I started planning.   

SweetP was absolutely floored when I came to him and asked to sit and negotiate a budget for various gifts, food, alcohol etc.   It's never been done before, and  you could see the fear, and worry about the assault to credit cards, fade off his face.  I'm not surprised he was floored, I don't recall ever voluntarily raising the word "budget" with him before.  It's usually me being dragged, kicking and screaming, to the "budget table"!

I didn't use all the lists because they weren't all relevant for me.  (We'd never intended that everyone would use  everything.) But having taken copies of the lists pages I wanted, I proceeded to write up:

• a list of gift recipients, both family and friends etc
  • what I would get for them
  • in what price range
  • and at what location (all of them away from busy shopping malls and those endless parking searches)
• a to-do list
  
  • (I stapled several pages of that one together and kept it with me wherever I went so I could capture things as I remembered them)
• the Christmas card list where I recorded who I sent cards to and who I received them from
  • that took several pages as well, in the end
  • what's more there's space on those pages for 2007 and 2008 as well
  • despite my intention NOT to send cards, I felt guilty when I began receiving them and decided to respond after all
  • but next year I've promised myself to make a decision to "send or not send" early and stick to it, and act early if I'm going to. 
  • I won't be doing a last minute post-out in the final week this year!
• a drafted menu plan
  • and then I asked various family members to join me as we tossed around more specific menu ideas and
  • allocated tasks to ourselves as well as those absent from the meeting.  (Some of the grandchildren got a little shock when they got told what they were to make and bring on the day)
• a Christmas food shopping list

In the last week I created a new to-do format.  Using my precious "to-do master sheets", I turned an empty page to landscape, divided it into the appropriate number of days and allocated tasks across those days.   (We'll definitely be including that in next year's version.)

As I was still needing to rest my back frequently I was really reliant on not overloading my final days and allowing time for rests as well.  I even put "rest" on my list!

Any of my clients would tell you that we always plan a reward at the same time as they plan an action.  That way rewarding yourself doesn't get lost in the chaos, with a consequential ebbing of motivation.  My reward for completing my to-dos (or rescheduling or ditching them) was a half-hour's uninterrupted reading each day.  That was the perfect combination rest + book = reward!

All of these precious items went into a simple binder wallet and accompanied me whenever I picked up my handbag for those last couple of weeks.

The satisfaction of ticking off or putting a line through completed tasks was better than s...

Oh alright maybe not better than sex, but it did feel good!

With Christmas looming so close and me soaked in an overwhelming desire to have FINISHED gift shopping before that last week, it soon became clear that my intentions to shop in short sharp early-morning bursts was not going to get the job done.  I'd just run out of time for that.

So SweetP and I planned a Saturday session but knowing exactly where we were going and definitely steering clear of any large shopping malls.  (The smaller ones are OK, people tend to use them for food shopping not gift shopping,  and somehow forget the rest of all those nice little small businesses in there eager to help you and get your sale!)

We got up early and  were ready to leave at 9.  Even that was a bit late for my comfort but ...

And then the car wouldn't start!  And we're a one-car family!

What amazed SweetP in this frustrating situation was that I laughed!  (I've NEVER been known to throw a hissy fit so why would he be surprised???????)

The RACV, our roadside assistance service, were there in 15 minutes and quickly diagnosed an old and very dead battery.  The serviceman booked us one of their battery service cars, advising us that while they were telling him the wait period was 11 minutes, he thought that was unlikely and more like a half an hour.  Five minutes later, the battery van drove up and within another 20 mins we were on our way to our delayed shopping. 

I was still smiling and relaxed.  SweetP was convinced I'd popped several Valium!!!

But that day, parking spaces opened up as we drove up, selections were made in moments, assistance was professional and useful, and the vast majority of the gift list was knocked off by 4 that afternoon.  We both remained relaxed and definitely deserved the glass of wine we had on our return to celebrate the most painLESS Christmas shopping trip of our entire 32 year marriage!

 

Why Chris NEEDED SOXS for Christmas 06 - Pt 1

I've just GOT to put it SOMEWHERE!

Karen, the seriously organised one in this collaboration, put up a review and a request for your feedback a couple of weeks ago. 

Basically that was so we could put SOXS to bed till September 07.  And that was fine by me.  It seemed tucked in, with all the right kind of hospital corners!

But for some reason I can't move on, until I've shared with you my "down and dirty" experience of this last Christmas season in my world, when I REALLY used SOXS to get me through.

After all, Karen and I conceived and wrote SOXS to get ME over my bah-humbug attitudes to Christmas.

Yes I know that sounds incongruous to have written a book for you, to help ME deal with my problem, but we knew my problem encapsulated quite a FEW people's difficulties with Christmas!

Back in mid-October, I wrote on Take A Bite, the Pink Apple blog, that I was going to have Christmas gifts and all the "stuff", bar the food, all organised and ready to go by December 1.  At the time, I was a little busy but it all seemed easily do-able!

Let's just say that my body had other ideas of how it was going to punish me for ignoring the messages it was valiantly sending out. 

Come December 1, I'd been flat on my back for several weeks, I was in a back brace, (Mum always said I should wear a girdle, and BOY did she get her wish!)

Would you be surprised to hear that that taking Valium three times a day to control the spasm, and popping painkillers for the unrelenting back pain, doesn't actually allow you out of the house, let alone pretending to be clever and have your Christmas shopping done early?

So suddenly not only was my Bah-Humbug meter nearly going off the scale, but so were my anxiety levels. 

This was to be a very special Christmas in my family.  Feisty Little Mother (FLM) continues to slowly slide into the fog of dementia.  My sisters and I had faced the prospect that by next year she might be incapable of recognising some or all of us, let alone enjoying the day.  It called for a BIG CHRISTMAS, one like we'd NEVER had before!  We worked hard to gather ALL of the grandchildren, and for the first time the great grand-children, in the one country, the one state, and the one house for Christmas.  The four generations! 

But that house was to be mine!  20 people!  Come December 25, there was going to be a serious crowd at my doorstep.  And I was flat on my back, unsure WHEN I'd ever be able to remain upright for anything more than an hour, let alone go out into the big bad world of Pre-Christmas Shopping and Planning!

See now you understand why K aren was doing all the blog postings!

Having set the scene, let's do what the TV producers do and take a break, and I'll come back in a day or two and finish off!

End of Festive Season Wrap-Up

The last of the tinsel has been tucked safely away for another year.  The cake has been eaten, the champagne all downed... and all through the house, not a wrapped present to be found. 

New Year has rung her bell... we've reviewed, and we're happy with Christmas 2006.  Well, mostly.

For those special people who purchased SOXS (or won it!), we'd like to say a huge thanks & we sincerely hope your festive season was Joyous and Sane and Saved...

For those in our community who supported us, and helped to promote SOXS, we'd like to again express our neverending thanks.  You've helped make it a success!

Now - here's our challenge.  We're reviewing SOXS, the good, the bad AND the ugly, this week and we'd love your input.  PLEASE either leave a comment here, or email us at SaveXmas@gmail.com - and let us know:

• what worked for you, what didn't
• what you found most valuable
• what you REALLY wanted to see more of
• why you purchased SOXS (and whether it lived up to your expectations)
• OR, why you did not purchase SOXS
• what you feel we could do differently next time

Please, we beg of you.... we're down on our knees asking for your input.  (And with Chris' dodgy, bionic knee, we're talking major strain!!)  Let us know.  Now?

We will be putting this blog and website into hiatus, like the Christmas decorations, until September 2007.  If you'd like to know when we're back on air, please hit the subscribe buttom up the top of this page, and you'll automatically be sent all updates to this page later in the year.

Wishing you a fabulous 2007!  Full of energy and excitement.

Saving MY Sanity At Christmas - Karen's Post Christmas Review

It's all over for another year. December 25th came upon us, and, just as fast, left! 

How did YOUR Christmas go?

I catered for 14 people for Christmas Lunch, and it all went smoothly - there was plenty of food, praise abounded (yes, I loooove praise for a job well done...:), gifts were all opened and well received, Santa was good to us all, and there is still turkey and ham left overs for the post-Christmas meals...

On Boxing Day, we slept in (an unheard of luxury), and then G and I spent the early part of the day in discussions about my new project looming large to replace Sanctuary - a lot of clarity came out of that.  Then the afternoon was spent watching Ice Age 2 and playing Cluedo with the kids, assembling a telescope, and enjoying the rain (yay!!!  Rain! the BEST Christmas present of all in our drought stricken area!!)... a nice relaxing day.

So today, I have taken a little time to do a review of my own on Christmas, on what worked, what I'd do differently next year, and what I wouldn't do at all. For there is no time like the days following Christmas to plan the next one.

If we leave it until October to start planning Christmas 2007, that amnesia of time will have set in.  You're likely to forget the things you really wanted to remember.  And to blow out of proportion some other memories...

There is nothing like doing a review of this Christmas, and planning next Christmas RIGHT NOW! Grab a pen and your copy of SOXS, and start writing a letter to yourself NOW.  TODAY.  Don't put it off...  When you're done, file it in your SOXS Sanity Saver so that you have a great reference tool for next year. You'll be so glad you did when October rolls around...

In my review, the main thing I want to remember for next year is that there were things on my list that I didn't do. For each thing I didn't do - I chose consciously NOT to do it... not to spend my valuable time and energy on that rather than on something else.  I determined my priorities and decided that these things weren't worth the time and certainly weren't worth me getting all hot and bothered over.

In years past, I was very perfectionistic about Christmas. I have always loved Christmas, but this has led to an unhealthy tendency to get it right at any cost.  And usually that cost has been my cool.  It goes out the window somewhere in the lead up... and isn't found again until it's all over.   Not good.

This year, I remained cool, calm and in control the whole time. Lunch at my house for 14 people went off without a hitch. No-one lost their cool, including (most importantly) me. And no-one missed the things I didn't do.  No-one but me even realised they weren't done.

So, in my letter to myself for Christmas 2007, first on my list is - Don't be a perfectionist.  Remember what you didn't do last year, and how good it felt to be calm, and not lose your cool. By not aiming for the 'perfect' Christmas experience, it was somehow more relaxed, and a happier time for everyone.

What do you want to remind yourself of, in about 10 months time?  Write it down today!

Oh, and while you're thinking about it, please pop over and read what Rosa Say had to say over a Joyful, Jubilant Learning about her post-Christmas Review - Dear Me, from Me... she's leaving a reminder for herself in Outlook with a link to her review, so she remembers to read it.  Great tip - Rosa, I'm going to do that too!

You don't have to be superwoman to be calm at Christmas!

I am planning to go out this afternoon and do a mammoth grocery shop.  Before I do, however, I am going to clean out the fridge, do a quick check in the freezer and a quick clear out of a couple of shelves in my pantry.

This will not only help get all the purchases stored easily, but also will let me know if we already have some of any of the items the kids have written on that list.  Especially the males in the house, who do have a fairly serious case of male blindness (father and sons:).

Just before I attack that fridge, I wanted to let you know about a post I have written over at The Clearing Space. I talk about staying calm and sane, with a list of the ways in which I am managing to sail serenely (well, as much as humanly possible for me:) through these last two weeks before Christmas.

Will you pop over and have a read?